Super Charlie Belle

Hold onto your hats people this might be a long one, but it's more for posterity so I want to make sure I write it all down.

Jim and I have had a major debate regarding miss Charlie's name for some time now. We agreed upon Charlie early one, but had issues with the middle name. He wanted to use Jeanne, after his mother. Now, I love Jim's mom but since Charlie is usually a boys name I didn't like the idea of having 2 boy/girl names. I wanted something super girly as a middle name. I didn't have anything particular in mind...just girly. Then one day I texted him asking if he liked a particular name, (i can't remember what is was, but I would do this periodically to remind him that it wasn't decided yet). He came back with Charlie B0...Charlie Bo, what the crap? I think I said uhhhh, no way! Then I called him to make sure it wasn't a typo. He explained to me that his dad used to call him Bo and that Bo (Beaux) was French and the female version of that was Belle...and how did I like that? Oh, I was in love with it. I thought that was the most cutest name ever and a sweet little story to boot. So, for the next few months I wanted Charlie Belle, but he still wanted Charlie Jeanne. Now, I was willing to compromise with Maggie Jeanne but we both liked Charlie better. I still see a Maggie Jeanne in our future...cut to last week.

I pick Jim up from work and he has a present for me...a "thanks for having the baby for us" present. Very sweet...I didn't want to open it until she came but we never open presents on Christmas so it wasn't going to last very long unwrapped. I am sitting on the couch and Jim is on the floor and I open this small box...inside is a lovely necklace made by a jewelry designer that Jim works with. I have another necklace from her that I rarely take off, so I love it off the bat. But, along with a few of February's birth stones is the name Charlie Belle stamped into the silver. I immediately start to cry and grab him tight around the neck. Charlie Belle it is!!!!


Sunday, February 8th

I am supposed to count kicks twice a day due to the chloestasis so I am up and getting ready for church and I don't feel her kicking. I didn't feel her when I woke up or in the shower. It had been an hour and I came out and told Jim. We tried to push my belly to wake her up and I drank juice and nothing. Well...off to the hospital we go. I show my "in labor" pink pass at admitting and she asks me if I'm in labor...I say no and she wants me to wait for the guy in front of me to finish and wants me to fill stuff out. Um, no I'll be upstairs if you need me to fill stuff out and we leave. We go upstairs and tell them what is happening and we get shuffled to a room and I'm told to put on a gown. The woman proceeds to snap this thing together and you would swear she had never done it before. Trying to put the snaps together then they don't line up so she starts over...it was excrutiating to watch. So I lift up my shirt and say something like, I don't need a gown. I quickly lay on the table and she hooks me up, again this had to be her first time. She finally gets the thing going and we hear her heartbeat...she is alive and kicking, but apparently I am having contractions. Because my belly was so tight I couldn't feel her kick. Makes sense. We sit there for hours being monitored with no change in the contractions, if anything they are getting more frequent about 3-4 minutes apart. I can't really feel them though, I am not dialated at this point so it's not painful. I was finally able to start telling what they feel like by watching the monitor. My doctor is called in and he is not ready for me to deliver just yet...too soon, so I am given a shot to see if the contractions go away and if they are false ones. Well a few hours after that they have not subsided and I am admitted. Crap, Laurie had planned a shower for me that night so I was going to miss it.

We had friends in town so they brought us some dinner and we just hung out in a delivery room for the night. I sent Jim, Lee and Zee to the shower/going away party without me. It was kinda crappy, but no big deal...I just slept. Until the girl in the next room started screaming at the top of her lungs...IIIIIIII"MMMMMMMMMM AAAAAFFFFFRRRRRAAAAIIIDDDDDD!!! Over and over, my nurse rushed in to make sure I wasn't panicking. She assured me that I would be fine and that is what happens when you don't have an epidural. No thanks...


My cousin Rachel was planning on being with me during the delivery and since we didn't really know when that was going to happen she came that night. I was originally scheduled for a c-section tue the 10th, but then it was changed to fri. the 13th to give her more time to grow. But now since she was coming all by herself it looked more like a natural birth was going to happen. By Sunday night I had dialated to just a 1 and Rachel called and said she would come that night. We told her not to and that it was still too soon, she said she would be so pissed if she missed it. We agreed to call her when the doc came in at 8 that night to see if I had dialated more and if I had she could come, but if not she would wait. We called her around 9 and she was already in the car...funny Rachel.



Monday Feb. 9

No change in my dialation, but I had a sleeping pill and had a fabulous nights rest. I was hooked up to an I.V. and since I wasn't much of a water drinker my nurse was getting a good laugh at how many times I had to get up to pee. That's what you get she would say. At this point epidurals were in the conversation so I wasn't able to eat, I did drink some water a bit and that was even taken away when I threw it up 3 times. I have to say this, and most will be mad, but I did not have morning sickness my entire pregnancy. I was nausious a few times but never threw up, so my 3 times in the hospital is changing my story a bit about not getting sick the whole time. I was starting to feel the pain and was put on pitosin to get things going a bit...but still no change. I was put back on the Tue. the 10th c-section schedule and got my epidural. This was great, all the stories about how long the needle is and stuff just wasn't true. Jim got freaked out when they made him leave the room, but it just felt like getting a shot from the dentist. It's not the most pleasant experience, my I.V. felt worse but it wasn't as bad as I thought. Then the most glorious thing happened...I got a catheter.

Jim totally makes fun of me for saying this was the best part, but THIS WAS THE BEST PART!!! Getting a bit personal...I have struggled with this for awhile. I am one of those people who have to pee ALL THE TIME, one reason why I don't like to drink water. I have to pee even after I take, say a Tylenol before bed. And this is before getting pregnant. Then you put in the pregnant factor and you pee when you sneeze or laugh or cough. It totally sucks. So I was having the best time sitting in bed laughing my head off as much as I could with no recoil. It was great!


I got this crazy blister on my butt/hip and an ice filled rubber glove was the only relief.


Tue. Feb. 10th

Still no dialation so the c-section is for sure on...high noon! Jim is out getting breakfast when I get my "birthday nurse" as she calls herself. She introduces herself to me as Jean and says she wasn't even supossed to come in today. I laugh and yell crap, because I'm afraid that Jim is going to see this as a sign and want to change Charlie's name. I tell her the story of the name and she laughs and says guess what my fiance's name is...Charlie she replys. I can't believe it, I'm screwed...it's a good thing Jim isn't in the room to hear this. I get wheeled into a different room to get ready and Jim and Rach show up. Jean asks me if I told Jim about the name thing. I say no, but then proceed to introduce them to Jean. We all have a good laugh about it, then in a very subdued tone Jean says...ya know I didn't put this together until just now but guess what Charlie's middle name is. Jim yells out, JIM! No, she says it is Bellford. WHAT@?#?>?? She's totally serious. She quickly gets him on the phone and puts him on speaker. She tells him to tell us his full name and he resists thinking that we are making fun of him, but then he calls out Charlie Bellford. We all cry out in a roar of laughter. Charlie Belle it is!!!!




Jim puts on his ghostbuster suit and I get wheeled out.


They take me in first and get me all ready and then Jim comes in. It was pretty scary, they put you on a table and strap you down with Velcro with your arms outstretched. There are a ton of lights and it's very cold. They start to prick me to make sure the anesthesia is working and then begin cutting. This is when they let Jim in, he asks if he can look and they say no he can just sit at my head. I don't know how much time passes, but even though I can't feel any pain it's the pressure I can feel. Which shouldn't be that bad, but throughout my pregnancy I never "looked" very pregnant until the very end. I thought I did, but my belly just did not stick out like others. Turns out she was just way high inside and had not dropped. So there was none of this cut quickly and pull her out. There was however a lot of pulling and tugging and what felt like punching me in the gut. It was excruciating! I started to cry and Jim and I just put our foreheads together in silence. He was saying you're doing great...it's going to be fine over and over. He recounts these moments from a scene in Braveheart when all you can see is Mel Gibson's face while he is tortured. And that he never wants to see those faces again. I'm sorry baby, I'm sure it was far more scary to watch than for it to be happening to. You must have felt just so helpless. I hear one little cry, than silence...than like 5 more cries.


They wrap her up and bring her to my face. I give her a quick kiss and she is outta there...I didn't get to see her again until 24 long hours later.

Jim is with Charlie and Rachel stays with me in the recovery room where I can't stop shaking. Rachel is massaging my feet, legs and hands and is helping me calm down. It was still frightening, but she was a godsend. While I'm there a woman comes in and is in labor at 26 weeks. So they hurry up to take me upstairs which is why I can't stop by the nursery to see Charlie. I get upstairs and just lay there. Joel came by to pick up Rachel and we were able to hang out for a bit before they had to leave. Since we live so close and the couch in the room leaves comfort to be desired, Jim went home and came back early in the morning. They took a photo of Charlie and brought it to me. So these are the only things I had to look at while I waited to see her. THE MOST SADDEST baby ever. She looks just so sad, so it was a difficult night. I couldn't be moved that early on so I had to wait to be put in a wheelchair later that afternoon.



Wed. Feb. 11th

I finally get to see her...you can only see the back of my head because I was crying the whole time. One, that up until then it didn't seem real and two she was all plugged into all this stuff and still looked sad. She had fluid in her lungs, oxygen to help her breath an I.V. and a whole bunch of cords all over her. I did NOT get to hold her. However, she did receive a blessing from Paul Downey and Jim.



Thur. Feb. 12th

I FINALLY get to hold her. She is so little and calm and precious. She is still making progress, but she forgets to breathe so that is scary to hear the alarms go off when her heart rate goes down. That NICU is nothing but loud alarms. I started to pump right away so when she was off the I.V. we would be ready. Not getting much, but I got a little. We went to see her before we went to bed and she was doing so great, the fluid was almost all the way out.



Friday. Feb. 13th

Things went a little downhill today. We showed up in the morning and she had gotten jaundice. It seemed like such a step back. She was under this crazy light with a mask on and she just looked miserable. It was so hard to see. It was a difficult day, but then we were surrounded by friends. I was in my room, crying needing some form of comfort and a woman comes in. She has a very friendly face with blond super naturally curly hair. She sits with me and tells me she is a social worker and wanted to talk. I think that the nurse from the NICU called her because I was crying while I was with Charlie just an hour earlier. I didn't care, she was very nice and said she was available to all the families with NICU babies. I felt a little guilty for feeling as sad as I did when there were so many other babies that had been there for so long...months. She reassured me that my feelings and emotions were exactly what I needed to be feeling and that it all was valid. She told me the things I needed to look out for and to seek help if any of those came up. It was all things I knew, but nice to have someone there right when I needed it. A few moments later, Lisa comes in. Again, an answer to a prayer when I needed to see a friendly comforting face. She stayed for a bit...and offered to clean my house the next day. Oh, how awesome is she.



Saturday Feb. 14

This is the day I'm supossed to go home, but the doctor is trying to keep me there a bit longer to try to get me to go home with Charlie, but it is obvious today that she is going to be here longer than I can stay. So I will go home tomorrow.


Things were looking up because they took the oxygen away along with the tube that was pulling liquid from her lungs. Oh, so cute!

But then later in the day she needed more light...so a third light was added to aid in her jaundice.



Sunday, Feb. 15th

The saddest day ever!!!! We were told that I needed to leave and that they didn't have any more excuses for me to stay. When I was told that I just had to get out...quick. We hurried and packed up our things...sobbing along the way. An hour later we pulled out of the parking lot with an empty car seat. We were miserable.


Since then we have embraced the situation and are ever so grateful that she is progressing and that we still live here in Burbank. Also that she is getting such great attention in her little fragile state and is being well taken care of. It would be so hard if we were in Riverside now. So all the complaining I have been doing lately about when are we going to close when are we going to close is over. I knew that it was all for a reason and I tried to keep that in the back of my mind, but I had no idea this would be the reason. I am able to concentrate on healing and getting ready for the move next weekend. Wendie, Jim's sister was going to be in town this week to help us paint and she had already purchased a ticket for the occasion. She inadvertently not canceled the ticket last week when it was apparent that we weren't going to close. So she flew in yesterday and has been packing for me and driving me to and from the hospital, since I am not yet supposed to drive. Another blessing...thanks Wen.

As of today, Charlie is eating well and it's still up in the air when she will come home but each day she is improving and getting stronger.

Thanks to everyone who has called, brought us food (as all of our kitchen is packed) cried and prayed for us. You have no idea how much your support and friendship means to us. We love you all.